I got these funny stories forwarded to me in email.  Now I’ve got friends on both sides of the aisle, but don’t read this if you get offended easily.

Story #1

I recently asked my friend’s little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?

She replied, I’d give food and houses to all the homeless people. Her parents beamed.

Wow…what a worthy goal, I told her, but you don’t have to wait until you’re President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my driveway, and I’ll pay you $50. Then I’ll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house.

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, Why doesn’t the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50??

I said, Welcome to the Republican Party!

Her parents still aren’t speaking to me.

Story #2

A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat and favored re-distribution of all wealth. She felt deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican which she expressed openly.

One day she was challenging her father on his beliefs and his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and more welfare programs. In the middle of her heart-felt diatribe, based upon the lectures she had from her far-left professors at school, he stopped her and asked her point blank, how she was doing in school.

She answered that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain. She had to study all the time, and never had time to go out and party like other people. She didn’t even have time for a boyfriend and didn’t really have many college friends because she spent her time studying. She was taking a difficult curriculum.

Her father listened and then asked, “How is your friend Mary.”

She replied, “Mary is barely getting by”, she continued, “all she has is barely a 2.0 GPA,” adding, “and all she takes are easy classes and she never studies.” But to explain further she continued emotionally, “But Mary is so very popular on campus, college for her is a blast, and she goes to all the parties all the time and very often doesn’t even show up for classes because she is too hung over.”

Her father then asked his daughter, “Why don’t you go to the Dean’s office and ask him to deduct a 1.0 off your 4.0 GPA and give it to your friend who only had a 2.0.” He continued, “That way you’ll both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA.”

The daughter – visibly shocked by the father’s suggestion – angrily fired back, “That wouldn’t be fair! I worked really hard for mine, I did without, and Mary has done little or nothing. She played while I worked hard!”

The father slowly smiled and said, “Welcome to the Republican Party.”